You Probably Know What Went Wrong, But Do You Know What Went Well?
Sharing a tool to build a more positive outlook
With Thanksgiving having just passed, this month I’m sharing a simple tool to take to heart what is going well in your life.
One of my concerns is that our lives are so full of activity, responsibilities, and to-dos that we fail to notice when things are going well.
Last month, I had a surgery. I was worried about how it would go. I also knew I was in good hands. When I was sitting in the pre-op room, I was told the surgery would be delayed by about 2 and a half hours. My stomach dropped. Internally, I sensed a whole elaborate process kick off as my mind started to interpret this as bad news. I started to feel worried. At some point, I remembered a question that has helped me get through moments like this. I interrupted my thoughts to ask myself the question: “Is this moment bad?” That’s what I said to myself. And the answer was no. All that was happening was that I was sitting in the pre-op room with my book and my husband, and it was okay. I went back to reading and moved on from the worry. From then until I woke up after the surgery, any time I felt worried, I asked myself “Is this moment bad?” And the answer was no.
What I was doing was using a tool to help me through a tough moment. I was practicing building resilience, bouncing back.
Imagine a scale that is tipped out of balance. When you’re stressed or tired, you may unknowingly let the bad stuff “weigh” more than the good. It’s just a part of how humans developed to survive way back when.
But is there anything to do about it?
Yes, there are tools that work to bring the bad and the good into a “truer” balance, one less reactive to the ups and downs of life. I’d love to share one of the best tools I have found because it’s easy and quick and something you can make into a habit, which means it can be long-lasting.
Years ago, I read the book Flourish by Martin Seligman. It’s a history of how Seligman’s work in the field of psychology led him to envision positive psychology. If you roll your eyes when you see the words positive psychology, first, you are not alone. And second, I believe this book will change your mind. You can try out one of its tools, described below.
Want to see the evidence that this works? See p.38 of Flourish.
Seeing What Went Well:
A tool to learn to pay more attention to what is going well.
Instructions: Place a small notebook and pen next to your bed or on your dresser. Tonight, before going to bed, write down 3 things that went well today why. For example, and I’ll quote from the book: “My husband picked up ice cream because he is really thoughtful sometimes” (p.33). Repeat this for 7 days. If you noticed it helped, keep it up. If you’re looking for a reason, this exercise has been shown to both decrease depression and increase happiness (p.38).
And by the way, the surgery could not have gone better. I’m writing this from my Thanksgiving holiday with family. I feel 100%, better than before, and deeply grateful to the many healthcare providers I came into contact with over these last few months. Who knows whether the surgery would have gone well regardless, but I do believe that preparing myself to have a positive attitude couldn’t have hurt.
References
Seligman, M. E. P. (2013). Flourish: A visionary new understanding of happiness and well-being. Simon & Schuster.
Art credits: Above: Ohne Titel (Spritzen Farbe) (1927), Kurt Schwitters(German, 1887 – 1948)
Below: Sanddünen unter Bäumen (1912), Ernst Ludwig Kirchner (German, 1880-1938)
A Leadership Tip
To deepen the impact and expand the reach of the What Went Well tool, share it with someone you care about. Make a simple plan to do it together, perhaps over a longer period of time if you find it useful. I’d love to hear about it if you do! Having a partner is an easy way to make “work” more fun and more impactful.
Interested in Leadership Coaching?
I have room for two new coaching clients starting in December. If you know someone who might be interested, please share my email [[email protected]] or this link to set up a short intro chat.